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The Search for Wisdom

It has been over a year now since I left the trail. In that year I have learned much. I built my portfolio as a web developer to the point that I can now charge three times more than I used to. I have perfected one foreign language and begun working on another. I have read hundreds of academic journals and medieval italian poems. My college career and along with it the rest of my life has become an endless pursuit of knowledge.

The trail was different. It was an endless pursuit of sorts, but the goal was something different. The goal was never a mountain top or a mile marker or a state line. The objective was enlightenment, and enlightenment comes from wisdom, not knowledge. In my short stint on the Appalachian Trail, I got a taste of that enlightenment. As an atheist it is sometimes difficult to find an outlet for my spiritual needs. I agree with science because of it's fundamental ideals of the pursuit of the truth. But the truth that science seeks is one of knowledge, not wisdom. There are questions that cannot be answered by biologists and chemists. There are problems that cannot be solved with beakers and petri dishes. But these answers and solutions do not come from any of the "revealed" religions, at least not for me. In fact, they come from no religion at all but really just a philosophy.

During my time at Elmer's Sunnybank Inn, I was intrigued by the plethora of Buddhist literature available, and so in three days I devoured as much of it as possible. In Buddhism I searched for the answers to my own questions. I searched for the serenity to be happy, despite an injury that had potentially ended my hopes of achieving my life's dream. For a time, the principles of Buddhism worked well, but it soon became apparent that Buddhism was not a long term solution. The idea of numbing myself to my desires and ignoring my pains left a foul taste in my mouth. The teachings of the Buddha were just painkillers for my problems, and drugs weren't what I needed at the time.

At Miss Janet's house, seeking only to expand my knowledge and not in a search for any enlightenment, I began to read the Bhagavad Gita. Golden Boy, a thruhiker who stayed for a few days, suggested that I try the Tao Te Ching. And so I did.

There is an obvious sort of wisdom to the Tao. The principles are fairly simple. Round pegs go in round holes. Work with the nature of things and not against it. The small taste of enlightenment that I had received was tantalizing. The lessons of the literature were reinforced by my own experiences and observations while hiking. I look forward to the day when I can return the trail and finish my real education. College is teaching me how to have conversations and arguments with other Highly Educated People. It is teaching me how to perform well at a potential job, and how to write Long Boring Essays that will likely never be read. It is an education, and I think a valuable one, but nothing can compare with the wisdom of the trail. The trail can teach us how to be happy and effective people in every aspect of our lives. It's lessons help us in work, relationships, and even in dealing with getting dressed laying down because a back injury makes it impossible to do so standing up.

If you were following my progress here, you know that on April 7th I returned home from Miss Janet's House in order to heal what I thought was a simple pulled groin muscle. After two MRIs and 6 different doctors, the final conclusion was that I had a pulled Psoas muscle, which would take much longer to heal. Nine months later, in January, my pain had not gone down, and instead it was getting worse. I sought further medical attention, and was referred to a Osteopath nearby who specializes in back and neck injuries. He looked at my original MRIs from April and immediately saw two slipped discs in my spine. The discs have slid out and are pressing against the nerves, causing the intense pain in my leg which is called sciatica. It is beyond me why neither the radiologist, orthopedic surgeon, chiropractor, nor the other osteopath saw these slipped discs, as even I was able to see the abnormality.

And so in February I began several long weeks of treatment, which end this week. I am not fully healed, but I am a somewhat functional participant in society once more, and with my limited wisdom I am managing to stay positive and keep my head high. With a little luck, my injury will eventually heal and I will be left with only my lessons to remind me of the trail.

So that is what is going on with Mr. Happy. Still gimpy, still happy, and still on a wild goose hunt for something in particular with little idea what that something may be.